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The Iona Blog

Growing up with two mothers: a personal account

Author: David Quinn
Date: 10th August 2012

Robert Oscar Lopez has written a very heart-felt account of being raised by two mothers and no father and the consequences of this in his life.

Obviously the account of one person is purely anecdotal and some of the unfortunate twists and turns that occurred in his life would not have happened to others who were raised by two mothers, and would have happened to some who were raised by a mother and a father.

However, certain parts of his life-story are an inherent part of being raised by two members of the same sex, especially the fact that the manner in which men and women interact with each another will not be modelled in front of you the same way it would be if you were raised by a mother and a father.

Here is how Lopez puts it in his article: “My peers learned all the unwritten rules of decorum and body language in their homes; they understood what was appropriate to say in certain settings and what wasn’t; they learned both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine social mechanisms.

“Even if my peers’ parents were divorced, and many of them were, they still grew up seeing male and female social models. They learned, typically, how to be bold and unflinching from male figures and how to write thank-you cards and be sensitive from female figures. These are stereotypes, of course, but stereotypes come in handy when you inevitably leave the safety of your lesbian mom’s trailer and have to work and survive in a world where everybody thinks in stereotypical terms, even gays.

“I had no male figure at all to follow, and my mother and her partner were both unlike traditional fathers or traditional mothers.”

Of course, two mothers (or a single mother for that matter) could go out of their way to find their children male role models.

However, all things being equal, wouldn’t it be better for the role model to be the child’s actual father, and isn’t seeking out a male role model for a child an acknowledgement that children need a role model from each of the sexes in their lives?

And isn’t the best way to secure this through traditional marriage?


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